New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
