i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
