Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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