i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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