why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
