My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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