Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
