census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found puke in my bra..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think a kid would responsible me up
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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