I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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