you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize