That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize