i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
