remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sober January is a disaster.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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