You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
