Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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