Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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