Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
