I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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