I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
