My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
