UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
