I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Buhtt sex?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
