she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
