dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize