He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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