giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need a burrito and a hug.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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