My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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