So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
