i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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