I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
