I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
