I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
