Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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