Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
