When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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