When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
