so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
