MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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