so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
