dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
