i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
