I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
