I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
