forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
