I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize