Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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