Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
