Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize