I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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