she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize