So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
