I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
