I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
