That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
