tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
