my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
