She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
