the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
