Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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