If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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