haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
