so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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