Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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