The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
