3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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