i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
