i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize