Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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