Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
