i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
