i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
