life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize