my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
