God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
