You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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