so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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