i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
