dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
