YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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