someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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