i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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