Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
